Here's another sneak preview of the “The Caregiver Hour” April radio show series entitled “The Intentional Caregiver” (see more info below). Here, we're looking at the weekly topics through the MindfulCaregiving lens. Last week's topic was "The Payoff of Intentional Connection", now available in the archive below.
Part 4 — The Payoff of Intentional Acceptance
What you resist,
persists
— Carl Jung
Caregiving is littered with opportunities to practice the opposite of acceptance, resistance. It is normal to resist the behavior of others, the aging of your loved one, your own feelings of powerlessness, or the undeniable facts of aging and caregiving. That grip of tension in the jaw or solar plexus can be a sure sign that resistance to something is kicking in.
Resistance is one of the caregiver’s biggest energy drains. When you’re angry, frustrated, or judgmental, you’re locked into negative energy. The more you resist, the more time and energy you waste, the more resistance there is, and so on in a self-perpetuating drain cycle.
So, what to do with that? We start where we must always start, by looking straight at it. Even as we’re groping for a different action to take, it can be that the only right action is inaction. Stop. Take a breath. Notice what is. You can’t get beyond resistance until you clearly see it. What do you resist in caregiving? Make a list. Just seeing the list in front of you can give you some power over it.
What then? “What You Resist Persists” means also that “What you focus on is what you get.” Focus too long on being angry and you experience more anger. Focus on another’s annoying behaviors and you see only those annoying behaviors. Or, as Abraham Maslow put it, “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail”. So we don’t want to focus too long on our list.
Then what can we do? Steadily and intentionally question the source of the resistance and then seek out opportunities for acceptance, or allowing. Your greatest freedom rises from your power to intentionally choose to accept as much as possible in this caregiving journey of change. As the serenity prayer suggests, accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and be aware of the difference. I would add to that, then REfocus. When you see things you cannot change yet have a hard time accepting, refocus.
You can’t change other people, you can’t change many things in the course of caregiving, but you can wrest some peace from the grip of negativity, fear, and judgment. It takes no time at all. In fact, you can save precious moments, reclaiming them through acceptance and refocusing.
Check out “The Caregiver Hour” Radio Show
Throughout April, the topic of “The Caregiver Hour” weekly radio show will be “The Intentional Caregiver”. In four shows, Holly will join host Kim Linder and her guests to empower caregivers to approach caregiving with mindful intentionality.
“The Caregiver Hour” airs every Monday at 11:00 EST online at http://www.thecaregiverhour.com/ or on Tampa Bay radio WHNZ Station 1250 AM.
Read more!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
THE INTENTIONAL CAREGIVER - PART THREE
Here's another sneak preview of the “The Caregiver Hour” April radio shows. (More info below) Here we look at “The Intentional Caregiver” topics through the MindfulCaregiving lens. Last week's topic was "The Payoff of Intentional Self-awareness".
Part 3 — The Payoff of Intentional Connection
The time will come when,
with elation you will greet yourself
arriving at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome
— Derek Walcott from “Love After Love”
Connection is our life’s blood—our connection to others, and our connection to ourselves. Some would add our connection to a Higher Power. Yet, like clothes in a washing machine, the intensity of caregiving’s “agitation cycles” can weaken the connective tissue of our lives. Relationships strain. Personal time dwindles. It takes intentionality to notice what we are sacrificing. We can even become so focused on Doing actions and service for our loved one that we forget to simply Be with our loved one, but that may be a thing we can’t afford to neglect.
The burgeoning movement promoting person-centered care ("Real Care Reform") in long-term care facilities is finding that putting human connection first when caring for another actually improves the well-being and physical health of everyone, the cared-for and the caregiver. The staff of the Eden Alternative Green House nursing homes know intimately the way intentional connection combats the three plagues of loneliness, helplessness and boredom (the three plagues that cause a person to lose interest in life.) They see people who have taken to walkers, or stopped speaking, begin walking on their own and speaking again. (See YouTube on “The Green House Nursing Home Alternative”, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4Ap1ByNgKE. ) In these revolutionary nursing homes, human connection precedes and infuses the offering of medicines, baths, and especially meal times. Relationships thrive, while medical regimentation is virtually non-existent. Eden even has a program that bring the Eden principles into the home, teaching family caregivers how to create an environment for thriving. (To learn more, check out http://www.edenalt.org/eden-at-home.) (For more on "Real Care Reform" check out Eden founder Dr. Bill's blog at www.changingaging.org.)
If tending to connection with a loved one can improve the health of your loved one, what could more self-connection mean for your own well-being? Self-connection is found in the places, moments and experiences that fuel your spirit and balance your life.
If your own well-being were a priority for you, what would you do differently? Might you ask for help more often? If you are a can-do person, asking for help can actually empower you as it strengthens your connection to others. You become less alone, more flexible, your approach to life softens.
If you were to intentionally begin to notice the people, experiences and thoughts that drain your energy, and then eliminated most of these energy sinks, how much better would you feel on a daily basis? Eliminating energy sinks is a key way to rebalance your life so that it fuels you, day to day.
So take a deep breath. Intentionally focus on connecting with your loved one in ways that historically have been deeply meaningful to her/him. And in your private moments, do less of the things that drain you and more of the things that renew your spirit. Think empowering thoughts to leverage your well-being. Caregiving will be a kinder, gentler experience, a healthier time for everyone.
More about “The Caregiver Hour” Radio Show
Throughout April, the topic of “The Caregiver Hour” weekly radio show* will be “The Intentional Caregiver”. Over a series of four shows, Holly will join host Kim Linder and her guests to empower and enlighten caregivers on approaching caregiving with mindful intentionality.
“The Caregiver Hour” airs every Monday at noon EST online at http://www.thecaregiverhour.com/ or on Tampa Bay radio WHNZ Station 1250 AM
Read more!
Part 3 — The Payoff of Intentional Connection
The time will come when,
with elation you will greet yourself
arriving at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome
— Derek Walcott from “Love After Love”
Connection is our life’s blood—our connection to others, and our connection to ourselves. Some would add our connection to a Higher Power. Yet, like clothes in a washing machine, the intensity of caregiving’s “agitation cycles” can weaken the connective tissue of our lives. Relationships strain. Personal time dwindles. It takes intentionality to notice what we are sacrificing. We can even become so focused on Doing actions and service for our loved one that we forget to simply Be with our loved one, but that may be a thing we can’t afford to neglect.
The burgeoning movement promoting person-centered care ("Real Care Reform") in long-term care facilities is finding that putting human connection first when caring for another actually improves the well-being and physical health of everyone, the cared-for and the caregiver. The staff of the Eden Alternative Green House nursing homes know intimately the way intentional connection combats the three plagues of loneliness, helplessness and boredom (the three plagues that cause a person to lose interest in life.) They see people who have taken to walkers, or stopped speaking, begin walking on their own and speaking again. (See YouTube on “The Green House Nursing Home Alternative”, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4Ap1ByNgKE. ) In these revolutionary nursing homes, human connection precedes and infuses the offering of medicines, baths, and especially meal times. Relationships thrive, while medical regimentation is virtually non-existent. Eden even has a program that bring the Eden principles into the home, teaching family caregivers how to create an environment for thriving. (To learn more, check out http://www.edenalt.org/eden-at-home.) (For more on "Real Care Reform" check out Eden founder Dr. Bill's blog at www.changingaging.org.)
If tending to connection with a loved one can improve the health of your loved one, what could more self-connection mean for your own well-being? Self-connection is found in the places, moments and experiences that fuel your spirit and balance your life.
If your own well-being were a priority for you, what would you do differently? Might you ask for help more often? If you are a can-do person, asking for help can actually empower you as it strengthens your connection to others. You become less alone, more flexible, your approach to life softens.
If you were to intentionally begin to notice the people, experiences and thoughts that drain your energy, and then eliminated most of these energy sinks, how much better would you feel on a daily basis? Eliminating energy sinks is a key way to rebalance your life so that it fuels you, day to day.
So take a deep breath. Intentionally focus on connecting with your loved one in ways that historically have been deeply meaningful to her/him. And in your private moments, do less of the things that drain you and more of the things that renew your spirit. Think empowering thoughts to leverage your well-being. Caregiving will be a kinder, gentler experience, a healthier time for everyone.
More about “The Caregiver Hour” Radio Show
Throughout April, the topic of “The Caregiver Hour” weekly radio show* will be “The Intentional Caregiver”. Over a series of four shows, Holly will join host Kim Linder and her guests to empower and enlighten caregivers on approaching caregiving with mindful intentionality.
“The Caregiver Hour” airs every Monday at noon EST online at http://www.thecaregiverhour.com/ or on Tampa Bay radio WHNZ Station 1250 AM
Read more!
Monday, March 7, 2011
THE INTENTIONAL CAREGIVER - PART TWO
Here's a sneak preview of the “The Caregiver Hour” April radio shows. (More info below) Here we look at “The Intentional Caregiver” topics through the MindfulCaregiving lens. Last week's topic was "The Cost of UNintentionality".
Most of us think we know who we are. Our personalities, skills, attitudes, and values give us survival strategies for building a life that feels safe. Then caregiving hits. As we shift into full gear, how we respond is determined by our habitual tactics of the past.
At some point familiar ways of operating can stop working. As Sydney Rice-Harrild tells us in her book Choice Points, “We all have an internal system for producing results that operates on its own, helping us to produce consistent results without our even having to think about it, but it doesn’t work in our favor when what we want is managed change.” Caregiving IS change.
Not to worry —with a bit of intentional self-awareness you can prepare yourself. Start by making a list of your personal skills, traits, and strengths, sometimes called your “Winning Formula”. What’s Your winning formula? Notice how these tactics can serve you during caregiving. Yes, you came equipped.
But as you look at your list, also consider the caregiving situations in which these might not work as well. Do you take charge, telling others what to do? That may not always be appropriate. Do you isolate yourself to get your bearings? There might not always be time for that. Knowing your habitual tactics will allow you to adapt when they don’t work. Being mindfully aware will let you intentionally unattach from your habitual behaviors, allowing you to be flexible. On some level, there are no good or bad character traits—there is only what works in the moment. Be a learner. Caregiving will be easier and you will be more effective.
Now broaden your effectiveness still more by noting on your list the opposites of those tactics. Might not these be useful tools to add to your caregiving toolbox? Ever-changing circumstances can require new approaches, new ways of thinking and being. An outspoken person may need to learn tact. A reticent person may need to take charge. Tuning your awareness to who you are being throughout a caregiving day gives you more options for effectiveness. Know who you are, and you can choose who you need to be.
Intentional Caregiving opens the way to greater ease, smoother relationships, and an increase in personal power. You can gradually learn how to build your resilience and move with the prevailing winds of caregiving.
In the next article we’ll dig deeper into this practice of intentional focus, looking at “The Power of Intentional Connection“.
And Check out “The Caregiver Hour” Radio Show!
On the four Mondays in April, the topic of “The Caregiver Hour” weekly radio show* will be “The Intentional Caregiver”. Holly will join host Kim Linder and her guests to empower and enlighten caregivers on approaching caregiving with mindful intentionality. All shows are archived on-line for later access.
“The Caregiver Hour” airs every Monday at noon EST online at http://www.thecaregiverhour.com/ or on Tampa Bay radio WHNZ Station 1250 AM
Read more!
What’s Your Winning Formula?
The Payoff of Intentional Self-awareness
The Payoff of Intentional Self-awareness
“We need to let go of fixed ideas, behaviors, attachments...
Unfettered, your true self flows to the surface
and moves you toward your purpose...”
~ Gabrielle Roth
Unfettered, your true self flows to the surface
and moves you toward your purpose...”
~ Gabrielle Roth
Most of us think we know who we are. Our personalities, skills, attitudes, and values give us survival strategies for building a life that feels safe. Then caregiving hits. As we shift into full gear, how we respond is determined by our habitual tactics of the past.
At some point familiar ways of operating can stop working. As Sydney Rice-Harrild tells us in her book Choice Points, “We all have an internal system for producing results that operates on its own, helping us to produce consistent results without our even having to think about it, but it doesn’t work in our favor when what we want is managed change.” Caregiving IS change.
Not to worry —with a bit of intentional self-awareness you can prepare yourself. Start by making a list of your personal skills, traits, and strengths, sometimes called your “Winning Formula”. What’s Your winning formula? Notice how these tactics can serve you during caregiving. Yes, you came equipped.
But as you look at your list, also consider the caregiving situations in which these might not work as well. Do you take charge, telling others what to do? That may not always be appropriate. Do you isolate yourself to get your bearings? There might not always be time for that. Knowing your habitual tactics will allow you to adapt when they don’t work. Being mindfully aware will let you intentionally unattach from your habitual behaviors, allowing you to be flexible. On some level, there are no good or bad character traits—there is only what works in the moment. Be a learner. Caregiving will be easier and you will be more effective.
Now broaden your effectiveness still more by noting on your list the opposites of those tactics. Might not these be useful tools to add to your caregiving toolbox? Ever-changing circumstances can require new approaches, new ways of thinking and being. An outspoken person may need to learn tact. A reticent person may need to take charge. Tuning your awareness to who you are being throughout a caregiving day gives you more options for effectiveness. Know who you are, and you can choose who you need to be.
Intentional Caregiving opens the way to greater ease, smoother relationships, and an increase in personal power. You can gradually learn how to build your resilience and move with the prevailing winds of caregiving.
In the next article we’ll dig deeper into this practice of intentional focus, looking at “The Power of Intentional Connection“.
And Check out “The Caregiver Hour” Radio Show!
On the four Mondays in April, the topic of “The Caregiver Hour” weekly radio show* will be “The Intentional Caregiver”. Holly will join host Kim Linder and her guests to empower and enlighten caregivers on approaching caregiving with mindful intentionality. All shows are archived on-line for later access.
“The Caregiver Hour” airs every Monday at noon EST online at http://www.thecaregiverhour.com/ or on Tampa Bay radio WHNZ Station 1250 AM
Read more!
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